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Let the citizens of Earth put President Obama in their mouths

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We are a group of people that frequently discuss philosophical and metaphysical matters in order to answer questions that will eventually aid mankind.

After several minutes of intense discussion and debate, we have answered one of mankind's most difficult and longstanding questions about the very nature of life, existence, and indeed, reality itself: How do we even know if we exist? How do we know if anything else exists?

Our superhuman intellect and unparalleled abilities within the field of logic have led us to an answer: If you can put it in your mouth, it is real.


This is somewhat obvious in retrospect, as it has been speculated that infants possess superhuman intelligence which they eventually forget as they grow older, but are unable to communicate with us(see the documentary https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Superbabies:_Baby_Geniuses_2). It is also well-known that infants like to put things in their mouth. It is now clear that this is because infants are already pondering and answering some of mankind's most difficult questions before they can speak, and that they have come to the same conclusion. They are then simply testing their theory by putting as many different objects in their mouths as possible.

Now that we have revealed this answer to the whole world, mankind may run off the tracks and start rioting. After all, why would they obey laws unless they can be sure they are real?
It is of paramount importance that world leaders such as President Obama take the time to let the citizens of Earth put them in their mouths so that they can ascertain their existence. This will calm the seas, and once the rioting dies down and everyone gets a grip on this new sense of reality, these discoveries will lead mankind further than it has ever been before.

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