Dear all,

As you are probably aware, my good friend Tom has been rendered bedridden due to a severe case of agoraphobia brought about by continual harassment by MCR members of various Cambridge Colleges.

Aware of Tom's position on the cusp of committing himself to an asylum due to a controversial self-obsession involving; crying, self-touching and the Indian dip 'Raita', which left him with near fatal calluses, a fellow member of Selwyn MCR tried to push him beyond the cusp using malicious electronic means. This member has since been banished from all colleges facilities but many have questioned the leniency of the college of this case, I among many others support a traditional tarring and feathering approach. Please sign my petition. JUSTICE FOR THE CRIPPS COURT ONE!