Stop Britney From Singing With Marilyn Monroe

The music industry has recently decided it would be a good idea to have artists from today sing with legends from our past. Natalie Cole did it with her father Nat King Cole to "Unforgettable". Celine Dion did it a couple of weeks ago with Elvis to "If I Can Dream" as part of a charity drive organised by American Idol. Now the industry (namely Lance Bance of N'Sync fame) is rumoured to be taking it a million steps too far by asking Britney to duet with Marilyn Monroe on Monroe's unreleased song "Down Boy." It was touching when Natalie Cole sang her duet with her father. American Idol brought Elvis back from the dead to sing with Celine Dion for charity. However, there are no good reasons that anyone in their right mind can think of for a duet to ever go ahead between Britney and Marilyn Monroe. Marilyn Monroe is an icon. She will forever shine in Hollywood history like a shining luminous beacon of raw femal sexuality. She had class, and even with all her problems, she has managed through her films to entertain and titillate us -- to endear herself to millions of people worldwide. Britney Spears does not have the talent to sing with Marilyn Monroe (as recently proven by her lip synching during her half assed comeback tour). She does not have Marilyn's class. Her idea of entertaining her loyal fans is to throw together a 12 minute show with re-hashed/stolen dance moves, and then charging an arm and a leg for people to get in to watch her whilst banning all cameras. Marilyn Monroe flew across the Atlantic to entertain the troops -- you would never see Britney do that without a crappy HBO special attached. Here are a few reasons why the Marilyn/Britney duet should not go ahead: - Marilyn Monroe had stage presence. Britney doesn't even have presence of mind. - When people hear the name Marilyn Monroe, they think "sex symbol." When people hear the name Britney Spears, the only symbols that come to mind are a trailer and a cue ball. - Marilyn Monroe wore beautiful outfits and never ever left the house looking less than ethereal. Britney Spears can't even leave the house without noticing her tacky fishnets have a hole the size of Australia in them, and wears the same disgusting cowboy boots everywhere she goes. - Marilyn Monroe had more talent in her pinky than Britney has in her whole body. Marilyn made classics like "Some Like It Hot", "Bus Stop", and "The Seven Year Itch". Britney made "Crossroads" -- a blight on cinematic history so heinous that it's only just been beaten by Norbit as one of the worst movies of all time. If we get enough signatures, we will make our best endeavours to get this petition to Lance Bass to stop him from even trying to have Britney record such an abomination with the late-great Ms. Monroe. Lance Bass should know that it is not OK for Britney Spears to even go near Marylin's famous white gown with her Cheetos stained fingers.

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