However, life is not all doom and gloom. In fact, there is one thing in life that is the embodiment of beauty, love, and joy. They are, dear reader, sloths.

No one can argue that sloths are anything but perfection. The conflict arises over the debate of to what extent we should emulate sloths in our personal lives.

My position is obvious. We are just not sloth-like enough. I'm arguing for immediate and comprehensive sloth education. We're talking sloth history, language, culture. Everything you could ever want from an above average sloth arts college. All classes will be taught by sloths for us. If life ever gets too stressful, sloth therapy will be offered. Life can be as glorious as the humble sloth if we could all just work together.

I hope you choose to support sloth education.

Vote for growth, prosperity, and sloths.

Vote for The College of Slothiam and Slothy.