When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the imprisonment of Duffy Bear. We hold these truths to be self-evident, that Duffy was created soft, that he is endowed by his owner with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Being Cute, Liberty and the pursuit of Emily's Bed. — That to secure these rights, Josh has to stop being an idiot — That whenever Josh is an idiot, it is the Right of the Emily to punish him, and and to institute limitations on affection, etc. as to her shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. To these ends, we ask that Duffy be let out of confinement in Emily's closet, such that he might not suffer for another man's transgressions but can enjoy cuddling with Emily in peace. Signed, The People