The petition
In early August of 79 A.D., springs and wells dried up throughout Campania, much like Duke's basketball recruiting has withered today.
Small earthquakes began rattling the region on August 20, becoming more and more frequent over the ensuing four days. These warning signs were largely overlooked by the populace, in the same way that many dookies desperately want to ignore the recent seismic shift in the UNC-dook rivalry.
Then on the afternoon of August 24, Mount Etna erupted with hellish fury, burying the cities of Pompeii and Herculaneum so deeply that they disappeared -- from sight and from mind -- for nearly 17 centuries. Even today, two-thirds of Pompeii is in a "state of emergency" after decades of mismanagement; the remaining third is being used as an illegal dump amid the "trash crisis" in Naples.
Dookies, behold your future.
Kevin White, behold your legacy.
Unless, that is, you learn from history.
Unless you take bold action.
Unless you fire Coach K.
Does this suggestion amount to depraved indifference for the career of Duke's new A.D.? An eagerness to see Coach K humiliated? A desire to witness the Blue Devil basketball program thrust into unprecedented chaos and upheaval?
Yes. Yes to all of those things and more. Much, much more.
But we also have a deep and abiding love of the UNC-Duke rivalry. Though it is steeped in history and passion, the rivalry must be nurtured. If one program falters, the series becomes lopsided, less important and simply less fun. Which brings us to our raison d'etre:
Coach K has been half-assing it and he must be held accountable.
As Brett Friedlander of the Wilmington Star-News recently opined:
"After a decade of Sweet 16 appearances, the Blue Devils have failed to make it out of the second round of the NCAA tournament in the two seasons since Krzyzewski began devoting his summers to his Olympic duties.
"More telling is that he has still yet to address his team's most glaring shortcoming by recruiting and signing a dominant inside presence.
"The recruiting disadvantage could become even greater this year, now that Krzyzewski's long-time assistant, Johnny Dawkins, has left for Stanford.
"That makes Nate James, a former player in his first season of coaching, as the only member of Duke's staff on the road for the start of the recruiting season and the all-important summer camps.
"I can just hear Roy Williams and any number of other rival coaches now:
"'We're here for you, but where's Coach K? I guess Duke doesn't love you as much as we do.'"
"Where's Coach K?," indeed. He's not in Durham. He's off God knows where, infecting Team USA with his floor-slapping silliness. He's heading to Beijing.
He needs to be on the unemployment line.
What is he doing whilst his Evil Empire crumbles around him? As Al Pacino said in The Devil's Advocate, "He's laughin' his sick fuckin' ass off! He's a tight ass! He's a SADIST! He's an absentee landlord! Worship that? NEVER!"
Well said, Al. Well said.
The time has come to look beyond the cult of Krzyzewski's personality.
The time has come evaluate him critically and honestly, just like every other multi-millionaire coach in America.
The time has come to fire Coach K.
Sincerely,
FireCoachK.com
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