The President of the United States of America
The Senate of the United States of America
The House of Representatives of the United States of America
WE THE PEOPLE and membership of The Church of Edaurdo Jones, herein and hereby overtly claim our constitutional right to pursue happiness, and do herein as the undersigned come together before you with this petition that each of these governing bodies take all necessary action to bring about a federal holiday designated as Eddie the Saint Day.
WHEREAS, in 1880 a bill was signed to establish a federal holiday on which to observe the birthday of George Washington and honor his place in history as an American Revolutionary War General, Chairman of the Constitution, and first United States President; and
WHEREAS, in 1937, a bill was signed to establish a federal holiday on which to observe the birthday of Christopher Columbus and honor his place in history as he who discovered (however unbeknownst at the time) this great land on which we live; and
WHEREAS, in 1983, a bill was signed to establish a federal holiday on which to observe the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr. and honor his place in history as a civil rights advocate, trade union activist and negotiator, and promoter of volunteer community service; and
WHEREAS, in 1971, a bill was signed relegating all federal observances of honorific birthdays to the third Monday of the relevant month; and
WHEREAS, it is recognized and desired by the undersigned that Edaurdo Jones has contributed, through his writing and counsel, as much or more than the aforementioned honorifics toward raising our awareness of the justice system, domestic tranquility, the common defense and the general welfare of the public, and deserves the same recognition, reverence, distinction, and tribute as the aforementioned honorifics.
THEREFORE, we the undersigned, not only respectfully pray and petition, but insist and demand that the third Monday in March of every year hereafter be set aside, designated, and recognized as Eddie the Saint Day, so that the employed among us can take yet another day off work, in order to heed the counsel of our illustrious leader and party, play, and otherwise honor the invaluable contributions and achievements of the Great Edaurdo Jones.
Guardian of the Grail
Chairman, \"GET ME A HOLIDAY!\" Committee
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