The Dick Enberg Petition

WHEREAS, the undersigned individuals support the specific objections and objectives of this petition; and WHEREAS, the undersigned individuals are thoroughly outraged by the decision of the producers at ESPN to continue to employ announcer Dick Enberg for the purpose of commentating on the Grand Slam events, specifically the Australian Open, Roland Garros, and the Championships Wimbledon; and WHEREAS, the offending party, Dick Enberg, has on numerous occasions mispronounced the names of the very players whose matches he has been assigned to call (repeatedly throughout the duration of these matches). Furthermore, on one specific occasion, the offending party was unable to pronounce a name consisting of no more than three letters and one syllable. Moreover, not infrequently, the players whose names are thus fumbled are not unfamiliar to those who have a moderate degree of education concerning professional tennis, which is to say that the average professional tennis aficionado would be better suited to perform the duties of the offending party; and WHEREAS, the offending party is under the misconception that he is both poetic and sagacious: in truth he is neither. His insipid and incessant sentimentality, putrid mellifluence, and the general nature of his tennis commentary are vexatious and detract from the viewers

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