When Andy Rooney dies, I think Jake Essak should totally take his place on "60 Minutes." Some suggested topics which can be tackled immediately: - Why do people think stoned kids are as funny as other things on the internet? - Stoned kids totally didn't create internet humor. Who would believe that? - Why are there so many cats on the internet? - Babies aren't funny! I hate you, internet! - Film, and why I hate it. - Stop saying I get paid by the government! That joke isn't funny even though you're all laughing about it and I'm not! - Why is it I can't relate to things that other people like? - Why is it they call it "taking a dump" instead of "leaving a dump?" I mean, you're not TAKING it anywhere. etc.