We, the undersigned, believe that Rachel Alice Kerr (salient social worker; crucial cousin; fabulous friend; winsome wine woman; gregarious girl friend; devoted DVD devourer; antipodeans aunt; gorgeous god-mother; and all-round-real-cool chick) formerly of Lower Hutt, currently domiciled in Stinky-London, should return to Lower Hutt as soon as possible for the following reasons:
1) In the time since her departure it keeps raining. There ain't no sunshine, only darkness everyday.
2) We can't live, if living is without you.
3) We can only achieve sub-standard marks in the 5 minute quizzes
4) The cafes in Lower Hutt are experiencing a serious recession (particularly evident since October 2009)
5) The next generation will be Rachel-less and Caitlin will say Rachel's name last
6) We need inspiration for finding new quality viewing.
7) If you stay away too long, some of the things Karen has been saying she will do might actually get done.