Whereas it is the duty of the federal government and its services and agents to preserve and protect America's natural, native, and historical splendors; and Whereas Dogpatch USA is an irreplaceable hallmark of American wit and identity as well as an inspirational, educative, cultural, and recreative treasure of our nation; and Whereas said Patch has inexplicably been abandoned to decay and neglect; We the undersigned resolve to petition Congress to establish Dogpatch USA as a national park.