I plead Parliament to hand Michael James Wallace Ashley over to the ICC for crimes against humanity. He has breached article 5 in the draft statute 4 times. There is also clear evidence that it was he, Mr Ashley who ate all the pies. His fourth breach occurred today when Mr Ashley excremented on 119 years of heritage by changing the name of Newcastle United's ground to the morbid Sports Direct Arena. The definition of crimes against humanity in article 5 of the draft statute includes enslavement, forcible transfer of population, torture, and persecution against a group on cultural grounds. The enslavement of the Geordie repute (in partnership with the Geordie Shore cast), forcible transfer of messrs Keegan, Carroll, Barton and Nolan, torture of the Toon fans hearts, persecution against Newcastle fans worldwide on cultural grounds. No longer shall the countless people be enslaved by the one dictator. Justice and Freedom for Toon fans worldwide. Haway the lads Sign the petition!