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When Theo Walcott was named in the England squad for the 2006 World Cup, the reaction from the media, and Darren Bent's mum, was a mixture of gobsmacked-ness and latent fury at Sven being such a freak.
Eriksson explained that his plan was to unleash an unknown quantity, a raw talent that nobody except Southampton fans had ever seen play. How would opposing coaches know how to react tactically to a player who they haven't seen play, even on video? They wouldn't, of course! Oh, they so wouldn't. Sven was employing that most wily and unexpected of weaponry, The Element Of Surprise.
However, including a footballer bought by one of the best teams in the country for 11 million pounds, and who is regarded as one of the best prospects in the country, isn't all that ridiculous.
Surely more surprising would be somebody who doesn't play professional football at all? Someone who's not only not a professional footballer, but also really quite bad at football? Someone of whom the only videos are jolly Christmas family ones, like the ones in You've Been Framed but, crucially, without anything amusing happening, and therefore ineligible for television appearances?
Someone like me, Sven! Someone like me!
And so I say: Is there any better way of bemusing Paraguayan defenders than myself, in my trainers and scared of heading the ball, leading the England attack? I say: No.
Therefore, sign this petition to force Sven to include me in his squad, and guarantee England glory at the World Cup!*
* please note that things might not work out like that. |
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(fields marked with * are required)
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Find more propaganda at www.geocities.com/theelement_o...
and also a link to this petition, which obviously you don't need, as you're already here. Isn't the internet marvellous!
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This petition was organised and initiated by the English Football Association.
Actually, it was me. I would've left that as it was but I got scared of legal action. |
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The views expressed in this petition are solely those of the petition's
sponsor and do not in any way reflect the views of iPetitions.
iPetitions is solely a provider of technical services to the petition
sponsor and cannot be held liable for any damages or injury or other
harm arising from this petition. In the event no adequate sponsor is
named, iPetitions will consider the individual account holder with which
the petition was created as the lawful sponsor.
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