Bears NEED To Be Stopped / Slaughtered

The petition

Our human rights as well as our honey pots and pic-uh-nic baskets are in danger. Goddamn bears are reproducing at an alarming rate and even cross-breeding in preparation for their attempt at world domination (See the "pizzly bear"). Sign this petition to have the goddamn bears mercilessly killed or deported to Afghanistan or something. I'm sure we can get Charleton Heston on the job of killing these damn, dirty bears. Also, feel free to suggest appropriate punishments for the goddamn bears when you sign the petition. Their shenanigans need to be stopped.

Keep in mind: These goddamn bears may be the only thing standing in the way of the dream that is a Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert presidential campaign.

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