The petition
We, the people of Earth, humbly beseech Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger - who we've loved ever since he first meted out savage justice in Conan The Barbarian - to take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to rid our planet of the pestilence known as Paris Hilton.
We ask that the Governor consider not only Ms Hilton's repeated drink driving offences but that he also take into account her numerous crimes against humanity, such as, but not limited to:
- desecrating the English language;
- making grainy home-made porn a cultural touchstone;
- relegating undergarment manufacturers to the poorhouse with her
Godless and panty-less ways;
- for not dying soon enough in House Of Wax.
- the lyrics "Those other guys all wanna take me for a ride/But when I walk they talk of suicide/Some people never get beyond their stupid pride_ in her "song" Stars Are Blind
- etc
As people bombarded relentlessly with Ms Hilton's image and vapid proclamations, we request that the lamentations of this woman should last 45 years.
In fairness, we recommend that she should be eligible for parole five years from the day that the last teen utters the words "That's hot" or "Like, whatever".
Respectfully,
The People Of A Paris-Polluted Planet
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